Sunday, March 18, 2018

Why I Don't Like Getting Involved in It.

Hi everyone, it's been so long since the last post I published. I have so many things in mind to write about, but the time won't let me to because the tight schedules. Do you know what? I have class on the weekend. Again and again. Sounds like Jane's dialogues with Peter in The Amazing Spiderman movie. “You've done this to me, Peter. Again and again" hehehe. Okay, let's go back to the topic I want to write about. This is just my thoughts based on what I saw and experienced. So, as we already know the title... Here it is.

 We, humans are social creatures. Everyone does know that. As we grow up, we naturally try to expand and sharpen our skill to a higher level. It is both because our will and condition needs. But how do you do if you are an antisocial or at least are afraid of social interaction? I'm not saying I'm an antisocial, but people’s first impression toward me in new circumstances, mostly they would say at first that I am, and maybe ignorant. But maybe just maybe, the past has formed me to be who I am now. I would rather watch and be passive before entering a new 'world'. To be honest, before I experienced this thing, I was a talkative and an active person, I think I am still now, but depends on the circle. My mom even wondered why am I like this. I mean, she was a person who can easily interact with people and join any activities that consist of many people when she was at my age. Hearing her stories, I was curious about how it would be if I challenge myself to do something I am not interested in. So it is how it went...

 I put myself into an organization where the 'team work' is needed in order to achieve the goal. That means, work, think, create, and do everything with each other and also we have to discuss with others before taking the agreement. What I had in mind at that time was, it was a wonderful activity to begin with. Hoping meeting new fun people, and can experience all those good things in mind which is only based from my mother's stories, but like famous quote said, reality is different. Or is it just me? Correct me if I'm wrong. I know, among the stories that my mom shared, there were some bad ones too. But, the way she shared her experiences, I knew that she wanted me to be involved in something like this in order to get the experience. So I did.

 What I really see in it was, selfishness and greed. I know people's personalities are varies, but, could not they just deliver something in a good way? They said it was about team work, but how could we say it was when all we had to obey is one person's vote instead of team's? What do we find? What do we get when our voice is heard but it hurts others? For the sake of satisfaction? Satisfaction of being obeyed? Famous? Because we can rule people? I think yes but we do it in a wrong way. Is it because we are experienced enough in it? And seeing what people do is always wrong and we are right? Is it? I am not talking about nonsense. It did happen. The next story I experienced has the same story line which makes me losing my interest in something like this. It even got worse. You know, the smirk they put on their face, seeing me working like I am their meal. I mean, hey I am new here, and I am still trying. Would you just guide me instead of setting your face like that? Everyone has their own best skill, you do and I do. Yes we do. I will not say people are stupid just because they cannot do any particular thing, because I believe they have their own passion which is their best skill.

 Maybe a different story would come if I gave another shot at a new one, but I was so reluctant to do so. Just take an assumption, these two cases that I had been in are the sample of three ones. Where the third ones is the good ones. Correct me if I am wrong. So, the chance of me getting the good ones is not that much bigger.

 Interact with kind of people like this really stresses me out, that is why I avoid involving myself in the same zone. I know we are all different to one another which is the absolute thing to distinguish us, but I completely lose my mind about something like this and it is so hard to deal with it. Maybe you too, cannot deal with a human like me hehehe which sometimes I wonder that ‘am I the only kind of my kind?’. Maybe you wish that you will never be met with another person like me who is always complaining about (simple) things which is very usual to happen.

 I turned to be passive is not really because I am so reluctant to socialize, but it is rather to lessen the stress if this kind of people appear outside that zone by watching them first before I interact with them like, do they have these signs which could be categorized as 'people I want to avoid'? Maybe I have to interact with them as often as possible so I will be accustomed to it, but once again, it stresses me out.

 I wrote about junk story again I know, but thank you for your visit. Thank you! May you have a wonderful life!

Sunday, December 31, 2017

One Fine Year

Hi bloggy, cannot believe it is the last day of 2017. Many things happened of course. I am glad this one fine year happened.

New year is about to come. Same like many people and tv shows, I just want to take a look back to what has happened during this year. But, I think I will share it just a bit because I do not have much time to write due to the deadlines of my papers hehehe.

I just discovered that, it seems that I have lived in the present for the past two years. I just do not know how and why, but this fact is found from my analysis. I found the fact that, in the previous year, especially in 2014 and 2015, I was still thinking about the past. I had always blamed myself for letting the things happen. I mean, I was so hard to deal with the past. The question 'why did it happen?', 'what would happen if I did this instead of this?', and so many why questions that go unanswered. I also had always complained about the things that had not supposed to be. Maybe, just maybe, I was still at the age of 18/19 at that time hehehe. Or is it because someone else? Hehe ☺ I do not know, and who knows?

He, who is one of the persons whom I want to thank to for turning it all around, making me feel much better person by living in the present. This thing is just easily make me forget about that bleak moments in my life. Even though I know that I may not know him well, because I have not talked to him yet, at least there is someone whose presence and silence really means a lot to me. He is the one who causes palpitation yet creates smile on my face. He is the one who makes me grateful for letting that bad moments happen to my life, because it leads me to him. And if maybe (I wish this will not become true) in the end I am not with him, I will still thank to him for giving me that courage to live in the present and easily stand up for the brand new life.

In life, we will get balance in most aspects. If there is sadness and then God will give us happiness, if God creates cry, then laughter will come, and if sorrow happens, joy will be there to heal it. But why is it taking too long to wait the positive things to happen? If this question went through your mind, all I can say is, it is about time. I have just remembered a famous quote that says 'time almost heal everything'. I kind of believe in that quote. Just live it as it is supposed to be, in the future, maybe we will feel grateful because these -sorrows- in the end will form us to be someone who is stronger than we have ever imagined.

Maybe we have to live this life with sincere heart, thus, it will be much easier to face the challenges ahead and deal with something that we do not expect to happen.

For you, my kindhearted summer rose who turned it all around, maybe just maybe you read this. I want to thank you for everything you did. I do not even know how, but you just did it. You are the one who makes me live in the present. It is going to one and half years more since 'it' began to grow, but pathetically, I still do not have any courage to express it to -at least have conversations with- you in person.

And for you my readers, happy new year! May the brand new year will bring joy and happiness, and form us to be a much better person.

Here is my favorite lines of the song from my favorite band. Maybe you will like it too.

“Let's hang on to the moment we're in. Of all the things we will remember, the good the bad and the blessings in disguise. Today will stick with me forever, even if we have to say goodbye[…] […]we're too young to get lost looking back. Life doesn't always give us answer, some dots they won't connect until the years go by” -Where Does the Time Go, by A Great Big World.

Do not ask how did I take this picture below, all I remember is, I was a t-rex having a stroke while taking the picture hehehe 😊


“If we're not meant to be together, someday we'll know the reasons why”
-Where Does the Time Go by A Great Big World.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Show Time!

Hi, today’s class is closed. And I kinda hate that. If you know what I mean.

Last night, I promised myself, if the lecturers announce that the class will be closed, I will post something to this blog. And they did.

If you see my tweet almost a week ago, I tweeted something that I will be performing some performances in auditorium. Yes, after all this time, I finally faced the stage again. Not really stage. I wished that it would be on stage, but they put me on the corner of the room. What kind of performance? No, it’s not dance, but it’s a musical performance. Yessss, I was playing the piano again on a show.

You know the feeling right, when you finally do your passion again after so long? Wait, it was not piano. Well, I was a bit disappointed. Why? The committee said that the baby grand piano could be used on the final day, but the fact hmmm. I mean, if they at least say they cannot guarantee… hhmmm just forget it. At the end, I finally used the digital piano of the choir organization. It was Yamaha DGX, but I forgot the number of the DGX. The problem did not stop there. There was a problem with the external sustain pedal which made me had to play without the sound of sustain. But, thank God, the reverb covered the unsustained sound. The size of the keys was also a problem. It does not have graded hammer system. But overall, I like the sound of that digital piano. It has very touchable sound. I mean, yes, the bass is more dominated than the treble.

So, what song did I play? Yes, still the gorgeous song from Yiruma. It was River Flows In You. Why did I play that? You know, as the first performance of mine in my college, I just wanna impress everybody in that room with my playing even though I play it everyday, and many of you maybe get bored because I do not have any new song. Another thing was, I thought that that song is famous enough for everybody in that room-even the lecturers, so I would not leave everyone wondering with my playing like “whose song is this? What’s the title?” and so on. Another reason is, because I already mastered its chords hehehe… not to boast, but I just wanted to avoid the forgetfulness during my play. You know, that four-chord-changing is already out of my brain hehehe…

The second song was My Love by Westlife as usual, and the last was a song from the local artist of my country. But the last song, I did not sing it. I just accompanied my friend to sing it. That was not a performance that I expected, because I expected more. I did not know why, but I think they should have done it better on the sound system, so my friend and I could shake that audience with our performance. By the way, I feel honored, because the lecturer asked me to accompany them singing a song. The song was Let It Be by The Beatles. The feeling when the audience sang along with you and the lecturers was something! I've never experienced it. I think I got goosebumps at that time.

I still cannot give you the video of me playing that, because the committees have not shared it yet. But I just found out a picture of me which has so-annoying face, and I think awkward.

credit to the committee

My hope for the next performance is, at least the committee will say if they cannot provide the instrument, I will find out how to bring mine to the college. I believe I and my friend can do better than this one. And I hope, I can give another performance again with my friend on the next event. Wait, I wish that Annual Awards of the Faculty will be held this year, and I wish we can be there again! It is not about the pride, but it is about the feeling when I am in a backstage waiting for my turn to perform. It is never any other!

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Struggle!

Hello everybody! It’s September now! It’s been six months since the last post I published. So many things happened of course.  

I’m just starting new semester now. Well, I’m not wishing to boast of something I’m going to tell, but I really want to tell you that I got a great thing in the last semester. Yes, it’s about the grade point! You know (well, we know) that everybody must have a dream about getting a high point in their study, and when they get it, it must be something. Okay, now you know my intention right? Yes, I got a perfect grade point last semester. I finally did!!!

No, don’t think it was easy. It was the super-duper hard semester. Well, maybe it’s not that much harder, because I believe there will be more challenges ahead. Why I said it so? It’s because there was one subject that forced us to put an extra effort to finish its assignment. Again, maybe not that much harder, but I think it was too much. Yes, too much. It was an individual assignment, and you had to do sixteen assignments by yourself. Wait, that was from one subject, not from other subjects. Can you imagine that? Wait, there was an extra assignment, it was something like mini thesis. Swear I want to laugh. I don’t know why sometimes I think it’s funny yet pathetic. I mean, I know that it’s always been the thing that college students face, and it’s not just me who feel this and complain this thing to the world hahaha, but I feel so pathetic doing this thing to my blog. I mean, yes, I think it’s funny for you guys that there is a 21-year-old student complaining about college life. Okay, maybe this story will give you an image about college life if you are about to enroll to the university. Yes, college life is not the same thing as you see in the movie. Bring one small notebook for all subjects, a bit shorter time in class rather than when in high school, graduate easily, and many things that seem amazing in a movie are not really real.

By the way, I’ve just analyzed something around me. I just found out that, many friends of mine who got high grade point, most of them are single. Wait, it’s not because they are unlucky in love, but it’s their decision. I believe they all have their own prince and princess, but maybe they are all like me who is not easily express what is inside the heart. But yes, maybe that point –having a prince or princess– makes them excited or be the reason why they are full of spirit to go to college. It just reminded me of what my sport teacher in junior school said, “It’s not a sin to be in love or to love someone, as long as it gives or leads you to do something positive. The matter is, they don’t change you to something you are not wishing to be” From there, it’s not a surprised they got it great. Well, it’s not totally right, it’s just my analysis. And maybe, not being in love makes them focus on one thing only.

Okay, I know I post something (again) that is not really important (you may call it junk) but I don’t know why writing makes me feel better. It’s just like something is missing when I don’t write anything. So, why English, not my own language? Because I think it will accustom me to use every single grammar and other technical English structures as you know that I don’t and will never take any non-academic course to learn. I just rely on knowledge that I got in primary, junior, and high school, college, and from books that I bought definitely. If you take a look at my past post, especially in the first year after I made this blog, the grammar was sooo ‘something’ hahahahaha but I’m not saying that I’m doing zero mistakes now. I believe that there are some mistakes I made in every post that I published.

Okay, back to the first topic. I usually ask my parents for a gift if I achieve something that makes them proud of me (well, they should be) hehehe. But I think I’m not going to do so, because I already got what I wanted. Yes, it was the very lovely music instrument. Not the real instrument, but it’s the digital/electric version, and at least it has graded-hammer-system key. Yes, it was too expensive for me and my family to buy that real piano. But wait, I was not fully asking my dad to pay that damn music instrument. I put a very hard effort to ask my dad so he would buy me that. I offered him that I would pay 40% of the price, and then magic happened. Yes, it took years for me to collect the money because it was only from my piggy bank. If you ask me why piano, I would say I don’t know. I just know that piano was the first thing I ask to my mom when I was 4th, yes I do remember that. At the same age too, I asked a magician to turn the chewing candy into a baby grand piano (I was so innocent, okay). I thought that piano was the only music instrument that has a touchable sound that leads you to sleep maybe violin is the second one. I mean, you can give it a try on your favorite song. Play the song on a piano or it’s usually called instrumental version, and believe me that everything will change in a second.

You think it’s a long post? I think so ;) Sorry! But, I think it’s funny if I divide it into two or three posts just because it’s too much and I haven’t publish any post lately. Anyway, If did so, I would be very confused to give the title of each post ;)

Yes, the conclusion of this post is the struggle was real! Both to get a perfect grade point and to get the thing that I had been dreaming of since I was a kid. I've always said that 'be patient, because it is all worth the wait'. Why? Because it is!

Cheers! Thanks for the visit!

Monday, February 06, 2017

January

Hi, bloggy! What's up? It is already a new year. Well I named it as January because I want to tell you everything that has happened in this month.

Yes, I am finally done with the final exam and….. I got a great score OMG! Actually my previous score is better than the recent semester 😆 You know the feeling when you got something beyond your expectation, right? Hehehe. Not to show off, but just want to tell you that the recent semester was so insane. The struggle was so real. There was one subject that I really had a doubt at when I input it to the form. I had known it that the subject would have been the hardest one ever and I was right. The class schedules were also the reason why the semester was a challenge, because it broke my sleeping time. Oh yes, there was a class on Saturday. Yes that means I only had a day to take a rest. But the fact that I finally can finish and pass that so-boring and exhausting subject. By the way, I feel honored because one of my lecturer trusted me and two of my friends to help her finishing her work, and… I got paid hehehe. This was the first time I helped my own lecturer and got paid. Okay let us move to another topic.

I want to tell you that I found a song, not found it actually. The real story was when I was listening to a song on Spotify, suddenly the suggested song played, it is called 'Echo' by Jason Walker. I usually skip the suggested song, but I listened to it until the end of the song because of the catchy melodies and of course the chord progression. If you know that, I really love a song that contains Csus2-G-Em-Dsus4 chord progression, so when the first time the song was playing I knew that I would not skip it. The song itself told about a person who is wondering why and where everybody is, in another word it is kind of desperate song. Yes it is. I think this is the most desperate song ever. Actually this song is not a song that can express myself, because I hate being so melancholic though I can feel the emotions in this song. But I think it is good enough to be your lullaby :) You can click the photo below to listen on YouTube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pxpLxb5jHO0 
Photo: genius.com

Anyway, about the song that I mentioned on my previous post, a song which reminds me about him or I usually call it as a soundtrack of my romance hehehe 😁 it is called 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz. I think you guys know it because it is a famous song. I often found that this song is played on some local radio stations, thus makes me smile like I am the happiest person in the world. Click the photo to listen the song on YouTube. Anyway, I like the cover of this song that is done by Christina Grimmie, click here to listen and watch the video.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0 
Photo: bestfan.com



Wait, I almost forget. At the first week of this month, I watched a drama performance. The drama was called 'Death of a Salesman', it was adopted from Arthur Miller's work with the same title. It was a bit different than any dramas that I have watched before. I usually watch a drama that using our/my native language, but in this drama they were using English, so I had to pay more attention to hear what they were saying so I could understand the plot because I am not good enough at listening to English conversation.

Finally, the next topic is… him. Sorry. But I have to put him in this post. Why? Because this is my blog. Okay forget it. Nothing changes. Because I am afraid to go further. Rejection is still the reason why I am still standing here. But I am happy with the situation I am getting in. I mean, just seeing him in a distance, bumping to one another in the most-famous intersection in campus without saying anything, getting caught when I look at him, being trapped inside the same traffic light, these are like a remedy even though when these things happened I felt like I was a t-rex having a stroke, I mean it was scared me to death omg but I loved it hehehe 😅 but still my biggest will is talk to him.

Photo: Pinterest.com

Okay I think that is enough for this post. It seems like it is a long post. Maybe it is kind of a revenge because I could not post anything in the last two months that is caused by the tight schedules. Do not ever get bored to visit this blog of mine. Have a fabulous day, everyone! ☺

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Will You Deny?

When the first time you stepped your feet on the college, what was your reason for going to college? But when the romance comes, would it be another reason for you? So, which favors of God will you deny? When you were facing in front of a perfectly good and inspiring person, all you can do was just sitting in that chair and your heartbeat was about to explode. It was funny. It was a rare thing. It was a gift. It was the thing which created the smile on your face. Why do I call it so? Because that just happened beyond my control and expectation of course. Wait, there was a stupid part. This post is not only about beautiful thing that happened to me, but also the stupid thing. That is when I threw the chance away while I had been waiting for it to come. I should have thanked him. But I was so afraid of being rejected that is why I was so reluctant to say that.

How wonderful it is when there is a person who brings so much colors to your life. A person who is one of the reasons why you are so excited for going to college. A person who brings inspiration and good influence to you, not for changing who you really are but to make yourself better. Even being so grateful to God is not enough. I know it is so hard for us especially for us who have no self-believe to express what is inside our heart straight to the person whom we adore. But don't worry, you are not alone! Hehehe 😁 Just set it free. If it yours, it will come to you even when you are not asking.

Thank you for the visit :) Have a wonderful day!

source: quoteaddicts.com

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Won't Stop Running Chords by A great Big World

Hi, Rockstars! Finally I can figure out the chords of this inspiring song. I did this because I couldn't find the chords on google or did I miss it? Hehe. It took two months for me to find out the chords especially the bridge part. I hope it sounds fit to the original version. You can change D# with D#sus2 second inversion and change F with Fsus4 if you want. Thank you for the visit!

D#      A#
Facing forward
Gm
Lights out
F
 I won't stop running
D#       A#
 Falling backwards
Gm
 Hands tied
F
 I won't stop running
D#        A#
 I'll take another sunrise
Gm                       F
 Another hand to hold tight
                 D#     A#
 This isn't over
                                                                             A#
 I am way too young and I won't stop running
D#                                              A#
I don't know how much longer I can fake it
                Gm        F
 That it's all alright, that I can do this alone
D#                           A#
 And I know that life is what you make it
              Gm              F
 But it's hard to see stars when you're always caught in the folds
D#                          A#
 Every night in my mind it's a fight
         Gm              F
 But I won't stop dreaming
                            D#   A#
 'Cause this isn't over
                  Gm    F
 It's never over

 Facing forward
 Lights out
 I won't stop running
 Falling backwards
 Hands tied
 I won't stop running
 I'll take another sunrise
 Another hand to hold tight
 This isn't over
 I am way too young and I won't stop running

D#                                          A#
 I'd rather be the one that starts the fire
                Gm         F
 Than to shut my mouth and be the one who gets burned
D#                              A#                              
 Yeah "it is what it is," but I wanna go higher
Gm                              F
 'Cause I felt it once before

 I believe the tables will turn
D#                                       A#
 I wanna love and be the one who is loved
         Gm                         F
 No I won't stop dreaming
                             D#    A#
 'Cause this isn't over
                 Gm   F
 It's never over

 Facing forward
 Lights out
 I won't stop running
 Falling backwards
 Hands tied
 I won't stop running
 I'll take another sunrise
 Another hand to hold tight
 This isn't over
 I am way too young and I won't stop running

C
 How do you explain it?
        Dm                     D#      
 For seven years I made it through the falls
        F            Gm
 I'm living it all
F              Gm
 Living it all

C
 I'm tearing off the labels
         Dm                  D#          
 And suddenly I'm able, scaling walls
        F           Gm
 I'm living it all

 Living it all
                                        Fsus4
 And I won't stop running