Head in the Clouds

I have just finished staring at the sky for three hours straight. I know that is weird, but I think that would be better rather than sitting alone on the corner of McD. I was confused about anything that has just happened and of course the one that is still on going. Then, I realized maybe it is because I have not done journaling lately. As you know, the last post I published was four months ago. 

Well, I know even though the post I write here does not contain any thoughts that are bothering my mind, at least writing this random stuffs do help releasing the tension hahaha.

By the way, have you ever heard a famous quote that said "what you think, you become"? I just remember something that I have done in the past. It was not really related to that quote, but I think it was similar. So here is again my analysis.

If the quote "what you think, you become" really works, we can change the initial sentence, right? Let us start with the word "writing." What would the sentence be? "What you write, you ...?" In my opinion, it could go like this, "what you write, you affirm." Is that well? Hahahaha I do not know. 

As usual, many things have happened of course during the last four months. It made me a bit shift my character. Well, I am not saying this because I claim it. It was more likely revealed by one of my close friends.

So, long story short was, I made a plan with my friend to go out after work. Yes, I know I notice this rare behavior as well. Going out on after hours is not really me. There more, it was me who initiated the meeting first. It is, again, not really my character. LOL. 

It did left me in a moment of silence between me and my self. Like, I talked to my self, "am I changing?" hahaha. Funny, that sometimes I felt like I did not know my own self. Accidentally, I remembered something that happened in the past.

I believe I was extrovert until particular circumstances shut me up. It happened when I was just a kid. As experts say that children usually copy what they see, what they are told to, and so on, I guess my early-childhood psychological subconsciously received that and buried that in the back of my mind.

This small analysis just made me wondering, what the hell am I? hahaha. On one side, people see me as a super-duper quiet person. While on the other hand, it is not a few who said I am so talkative. Yeah, it actually depends on whom I talk to.

Well, I do not know exactly. Maybe this "new era" has shaped me a bit more different. For example, even though I am an introvert, I cannot lie that I miss sitting on a bench with my friends having face to face conversations in this hurly burly city. Real conversation exactly.

Anyway, talking about city, I just want to let you know that I still cannot get enough of the interlude part of Niall Horan's Too Much Too Ask. Every time I listen to it, I remember the warm and lovely vibes of Bendungan Hilir and Sudirman village in the afternoon. 

I do not know why it feels like that. The building, the city lights, and the twilight ambience sound fit to the notes and the sound of the guitar. It just reminds me of the same atmosphere when I listen to Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up and James Bay's Let It Go. The difference lies on the place. Yes, I Won't Give Up and Let It Go bring Antasari streets vibes. Not forget to mention, Kemang as well. Are you getting confused with this? Hahahaha, do not worry, you are not alone.

Actually, I am not a twilight craver, I am more with dawn perfectly packed with the dew. However, I am not really an early bird. You can say I am a night owl because I bear with twilight more often.

Maybe I miss the feeling of strolling the city in the night. I could do that actually, but would you do that in this really "hard" time?

Photo by Bagus Ghufron on Unsplash

Mid Year

 

"It makes me smile because you said it best,

I would clearly feel blessed" -Owl City

Alright. It's kind of late writing it down to this very blog of mine. I just do not want to be seen as "in a rush." Okay, let me greet you all first. How are you, guys? I hope you all are good because I am! It is already mid year. I have not posted any post yet this year (well this one is on going lol!). As we know, we are still in this hard times. But, one thing I believe is it is all getting better and will vanish sooner than later.

Okay, as usual, this post will not appear if I did not want to write about what has just happened around me. I may say I am the most cheerful person (well, through my own lens exactly). I do not like negative emotion really covers me up. However, I forgot that there is certain thing that I cannot take control of.

I mean, I am sorry but I am still human being. I just cannot fool myself that I did feel grief. Thankfully, I was still sane enough to realize that life must go on no matter what. One thing that really made me to "let it go" what has chocked my chest was this particular thing.

So, as you know, last year, I lost someone. It left me in sorrow of course. And so how it started. I was totally blank for almost a year. I felt that I lost my will to live. But, this thing really opened my eyes. I do not know whether it was real or just my thought. Whenever I drowned in that grief, this person had always come to my dream without a single word. It was like they conveyed something that they do not like it if I was always being sad. It happened for several times that leaded me to interpret the meaning of that dream. And lately I have been convinced with my own self that "yes, you cannot do this for the rest of your life."

Later on, it was January or something, I forgot. I felt there was something just went through my heart that said "something big is happening." I have not seen it coming yet, but I am totally sure it is there. So, as I believe that it is going to happen, I now see one by one that brighter days are ahead. 

So, maybe there is a reason why. Like, the person may not be here anymore, but there is me. Now, the universe wants me to take over the role to spread the voice. Maybe that is the reason why I am still waking up in the morning to live another day. Like what I have believed since long ago that there must be reason why I was born to this life.

Oh well, anyway, I have just got new role. I am so happy with the situation I am getting in right here right now. However, it seems that the surround does not really see it as a good thing. I just cannot afford to think like that I am sorry. I can be sarcastic somehow. Well I am sorry. So, they keep telling me to find a better thing. You know the reason I guess. It is about that money making ventures. I mean, come on. We are still in this hard time, getting this "thing" is such a blessing while there are so many people out there are still trying to get one. Even though I keep telling them that I enjoy it with all my heart and soul, it seems like they do not get it. I mean, I would choose in a heartbeat chores that mean a lot although it is really low paying rather than live in that falsity just to get a higher pay. Thankfully, it is not coming from the family so I do not really affected with such a thought (or comments?).

Oh yeah, I almost forget to mention. I do feel so blessed. I am now surrounded with much more positive people. Seriously, I never thought that I would be in this phase. I mean, I was really in grief last year, but now, I still cannot find an appropriate word to describe how much I feel so blessed. That it sometimes leaves me in awe and think "my God, did I deserve this kind of bless?" I think it has just started since I believe that the big good thing is on its way to me. So, like the Pablo Picasso said "everything you can imagine is real" and since we are the universe, let us think about something good only so the great things will gravitate towards us.

Thank you very much for the visit, guys. It is random again. Well, it has always been and always will :) May God bless us in every step of our ways. Stay healthy and happy!  

Chills. God is up to something good.

Photo by Miikka Luotio on Unsplash